Guys Suck!

OMG let me out with the social gossip, cause that's something there just isn't enough of these days. JK, but for real, I just need to get out some frustration.

I thought (and by thought I mean was always told by television and magazines) that once you get out of high school guys get better. "Better?" you ask, "Better at what?". Any damn thing! I mean, you would think after making the same mistakes and all for at least four years if not more you'd get a little smarter. But no, the guys I date now are just as useless as the guys I dated then. If you ain't guessed yet, it didn't go well! I'm not going to go into detail since some people know who he is and I don't want to make his life worse than he's already making it, but I'm just going to put up a list of guidelines for future guys who want to date me. Who wouldn't?

1) PAY FOR ME, NO QUESTIONS ASKED

This one seems like a no brainer, but guys are more easily stumped than I give them credit for. When we go out on a date, especially a first date, you should expect to pay no questions asked. There will be no second guessing this or asking to split the check. If you need to, scout the place out ahead of time to see how much the food costs. First date I always go for the most expensive thing on the menu that I can still look sexy eating. Are there exceptions? Yeah, sure. If it's like a non-date and we're not sure if we're dating or just having lunch, it could be okay. You should wait till it's about time to pay to figure this out. If we been in a relationship for awhile, I would like to pick the check up some times, ya know, treat you. But that is never on the first date! If I really want to mess with you, I may fight over the check with you. It's a test! Pay for the damn meal! Insist!

2) DRESS NICE

I am a model and as such may be considered shallow. However, I realize that not all good men look good, especially not off the shelf. There are some guys, and I made a few myself, who can go from "meh" to "OW!" with the right woman's touch. I do, however, judge men on how they dress. Like I said, I am a model and my mother is a top designer, I can not be seen with some khaki shorts and t-shirt wearing scrub. What you are wearing when I show up is my first indication of how seriously you take the date. You don't dress nice, you might not even make it to the date.

3) IF MY MOM IS READING THIS, STOP READING NOW!

You gone mom? Good, so...sex. Some people are good at is naturally, or so I'm told but most people (looking at you) could use improvement. You want it, I know you do. For a lot of you guys it's the ultimate goal. You know what? I WANT IT TO! Big freaking surprise! You know what I don't want to do? Teach you how! Some people still go for that "no sex till marriage" think. Whatever! I am not gonna settle in on my wedding night just to find out the man I'm stuck with for the rest of my life doesn't know what a clitoris is! I will not marry someone unless I know we are sexually and intellectually compatible. Call me shallow, but I like sex done right just like any woman who has had it done right. If you're a woman reading this a saying "I don't", then you haven't had it done right. Just sayin. You study for tests, you read how-to books before you fix something, you even train for most jobs. Why should you treat sex differently? I don't want to be gross, but it's really easy to get a guy off. Girls are not as easy. READ A BOOK FOR GOD'S SAKE!

LOL, that was a lot more graphic than I meant for it to be, but maybe I touched someone's life tonight! JK...but not really. Before you ask, yes there are more guidelines, but I am tired and not getting paid for this. Plus, after this discussion I'm now horny and doubly frustrated that I don't have a boyfriend. Guess I've gotta take matters into my own hands AND THERE IS NOT A DAMN THING WRONG WITH THAT!

Kisses,
Paula