So Deep

So, I was just reading Zuri’s blog and…how does she always seem so deep?  I mean, I’m deep too, right?  For sure!  Okay, I’m gonna try really hard to keep this post real sober and deep like.  Prepare to be amazed by a different face of Paula.

 

Ahem…ever since I was little I’ve never been close to my daddy.  I’ve always called him daddy and I do love him and I know he loves me, but we just don’t really connect.  He always wanted me to be tough and…I don’t know, more like him I guess.  He brought me into the dojo when I was just, maybe five or so.  I mean, I thought it would be cool and all, right?  I could learn to do cool gymnastics and stuff as part of fighting.  Plus, if I ever did get into a fight, I’d have the jump on the other girl for real.  The first time I got kicked in the face by another girl, I knew this wasn’t for me.  I tried to find reasons not to come back to the dojo whenever I got a chance, but my dad insisted.  He told me I didn’t have to be an expert, but his daughter would know how to defend herself in the world.

I think, if I’m remembering this right, that’s how I started going to work with mom more.  She agreed with dad about defending myself…but she couldn’t stand to see me come home with black eyes.  That is, more or less, how I became a model.  My dad still ain’t real happy about that, but as fate would have it (hol on man, I’m starting to sound like Zuri.  I need to shake this off…

Kay, this is the break in the middle here.  So I heard today that Bisa Randall is starting us one of these blogs.  The girl is always copying me on something, can’t she even come up with her own thing.  Oooh, I also heard that she’s into girls, did anyone else hear that?  Gross right?  Wait, she’s into girls and she’s always copying me…do you think?  JK, love you Bisa (if you ever see this, which I doubt).

Back to the story.  Yeah, so Zuri came to live with us when she was 10 and I was 8.  Ever since then, her and dad have been inseparable  Zuri reads the same books he loves, loves his old records, is interested in all the history he’s always trying to bore me with.  Oh, and LEST I FORGET, Zuri has competed in regional martial arts tournaments in Karate, Thai Quan Do, and Jeet Kun Do for like eight years.  She’s actually won a couple in Thai Quan Do and almost won one in Karate except this huge black chick with braids dislocated her shoulder.  Good times.

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For real, sometimes it feels like she lost her dad and stole mine.  I think that’s why I let her have it so much when we were kids, but you know, I grew out of that.  Okay, done being deep for awhile, that kinda sucked.  Like for real, I almost cried for a sec.  Make sure you tune in for my next post, cause I’m for sure gonna load it with gossip and shit talking as well as updates from the fabulous world of Paula Greene.  Until then, babies…

Kisses, Paula

Guys Suck!

OMG let me out with the social gossip, cause that's something there just isn't enough of these days. JK, but for real, I just need to get out some frustration.

I thought (and by thought I mean was always told by television and magazines) that once you get out of high school guys get better. "Better?" you ask, "Better at what?". Any damn thing! I mean, you would think after making the same mistakes and all for at least four years if not more you'd get a little smarter. But no, the guys I date now are just as useless as the guys I dated then. If you ain't guessed yet, it didn't go well! I'm not going to go into detail since some people know who he is and I don't want to make his life worse than he's already making it, but I'm just going to put up a list of guidelines for future guys who want to date me. Who wouldn't?

1) PAY FOR ME, NO QUESTIONS ASKED

This one seems like a no brainer, but guys are more easily stumped than I give them credit for. When we go out on a date, especially a first date, you should expect to pay no questions asked. There will be no second guessing this or asking to split the check. If you need to, scout the place out ahead of time to see how much the food costs. First date I always go for the most expensive thing on the menu that I can still look sexy eating. Are there exceptions? Yeah, sure. If it's like a non-date and we're not sure if we're dating or just having lunch, it could be okay. You should wait till it's about time to pay to figure this out. If we been in a relationship for awhile, I would like to pick the check up some times, ya know, treat you. But that is never on the first date! If I really want to mess with you, I may fight over the check with you. It's a test! Pay for the damn meal! Insist!

2) DRESS NICE

I am a model and as such may be considered shallow. However, I realize that not all good men look good, especially not off the shelf. There are some guys, and I made a few myself, who can go from "meh" to "OW!" with the right woman's touch. I do, however, judge men on how they dress. Like I said, I am a model and my mother is a top designer, I can not be seen with some khaki shorts and t-shirt wearing scrub. What you are wearing when I show up is my first indication of how seriously you take the date. You don't dress nice, you might not even make it to the date.

3) IF MY MOM IS READING THIS, STOP READING NOW!

You gone mom? Good, so...sex. Some people are good at is naturally, or so I'm told but most people (looking at you) could use improvement. You want it, I know you do. For a lot of you guys it's the ultimate goal. You know what? I WANT IT TO! Big freaking surprise! You know what I don't want to do? Teach you how! Some people still go for that "no sex till marriage" think. Whatever! I am not gonna settle in on my wedding night just to find out the man I'm stuck with for the rest of my life doesn't know what a clitoris is! I will not marry someone unless I know we are sexually and intellectually compatible. Call me shallow, but I like sex done right just like any woman who has had it done right. If you're a woman reading this a saying "I don't", then you haven't had it done right. Just sayin. You study for tests, you read how-to books before you fix something, you even train for most jobs. Why should you treat sex differently? I don't want to be gross, but it's really easy to get a guy off. Girls are not as easy. READ A BOOK FOR GOD'S SAKE!

LOL, that was a lot more graphic than I meant for it to be, but maybe I touched someone's life tonight! JK...but not really. Before you ask, yes there are more guidelines, but I am tired and not getting paid for this. Plus, after this discussion I'm now horny and doubly frustrated that I don't have a boyfriend. Guess I've gotta take matters into my own hands AND THERE IS NOT A DAMN THING WRONG WITH THAT!

Kisses,
Paula

Don't let your sister use your computer

Just a note for anyone that saw it, somehow Zuri managed to post on my blog. I guess when it said my name at the top, didn't set off any alarms. Anyway, if you thought you saw a post raving about how I'd bought an apartment...not me.

So, if I'm not buying apartments, what am I doing? Well, let me tell you, since you're so interested. I'm really starting to get the hang of this whole "teaching" thing. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'd want to do it like permenantly or anything, but teaching for my year of service was definitely the right choice. When I say choice, I mean I didn't really have any qualifications and my dad kind of pulled some strings so I wouldn't end up getting military service or anything. I mean, if you aren't really in good standing for a particular service proffesion, the odds are pretty good that you get sent to military or medical. I'm not mopping up blood from the ER for a year, thanks anyway.

As I was saying though, teaching chorus has turned out to be a real...I guess my daddy would say, "character building" experience...thing. Before all this started, I couldn't stand children. Even when I was one I didn't really like the idea of being one. When other girls were playing with ponies and drawing rainbows, I was practicing my Naomi Campbell walk and planning after parties. But I really feel like I have a chance to give back to these girls. I mean, some of them can't sing for anything, but they sure try. I want them to get the best experience out of a semester with me as they can.

Speaking of which, there is a date! August 22nd is the first concert for my girls! All new uniforms with make their amazing debut and you can come and be so jealous. lols.

Anyway, I got to get off of this thing and get my beauty sleep. What's that you say? Oh, you're just too kind!

Kisses, Paula

MY DADDY IS THE BEST DADDY

I have THE BEST daddy in the world. All you haters who are against a grown eighteen year old woman calling her father "daddy" can bite me! My daddy is the greatest.

So after our little blog spat Z and I were clearly not getting along so well. So you know me, instead of tellin her how I feel, I decided to skip work and pretend I was sick. To be fair, I wasn't really pretending that hard, I felt terrible. So I sat around and watched TV and played around on my computer. When my daddy got home, he knew exactly what was going on. He asked me what was wrong and I told him nothing. So, he kept bugging me till he got the real answer. Then I cried on his good military dress uniform for like a solid half hour. Lol. But he didn't care, cause he's the best.

Anyway, when Zuri got home he made us sit down and talk about what was going on and now it's all better. And that's all to the good, because I intend on spending more time in her apartment than here once she moves out. I don't know if she knows that she's going to be living in the new party center. Woot! JK!

So next week in Atlanta I'm going to be doing a fashion shoot for new fall lines. My mom has her own thing going on, which I will also be a part of, but this shoot will be for a variety of designers and so on. It's weird and kind of depressing to me that the fall lines are already coming out. I mean, I know we're in school already and all, but for real is summer gone that quick? I really don't feel like I wore near enough bathing suits this summer! I mean, after this I gotta wait eight months before I wear another bathing suit. Maybe I'll gain a ton of wait and just be a fat ass for a few months. Nah, for real though, my mom's fall line is going to be crazy. Mark your calendars for September 3rd, cause if you miss it, you might as well go into hibernation till spring. No, for real though.

LOVE YOU TO Z,
Your lil sis, Paula

Lying naked in front of a fireplace...

It's been two days and she won't stop talking about this stupid apartment. Yes, I get it, you're a big girl now. Hurrah for you. It's just an apartment, it's not even like you even signed a lease yet. I don't want to seem bitchy or anything, but there's just so much I can take. Here I was, trying to plan something big for her birthday coming up and all she can talk about is how much she can't wait to get away from me!

I don't get what she likes so much about the place. Scratch that, I do. It's totally Zuri, through and through. The place used to be some kind of factory or warehouse or something, then some people bought up the abandoned building and turned it into apartments. It's got those ugly exposed brick walls and the newly replaced but made to looks worn floorboards and the whole place is extra tall. It's just the kind of hipster bullshit I would expect Zuri to go for. Now a woman of taste like myself, I'm going to get an apartment that was actually built to be an apartment. I want some place with carpet and heating and a fireplace. I don't know where I got the idea, but I've always been in love with the idea of laying naked in front of a fireplace. Weird, maybe, but I bet now you're picturing how sexy I would look laying naked in front of a fireplace, right? I mean, really, sexy right?

Anyway, if it weren't for all these service hours I put in teaching I could afford to get myself an apartment now with what I could make from modeling. But no, it's every citizens duty to give a year of their lives to their community. I do like teaching chorus, I do, but it hurts my soul to think that when I'm trying to squeeze an e flat out of done deaf little Maria, I could be lying naked in front of a fireplace.

She could have at least looked at some two bedroom apartments. Am I really that bad to live with?