I've figured out what it means to be a teacher.
Being a teacher means being considerate of the feelings of others, even when yours have been trampled over. Being a teacher means caring about people who will move on and may or may not care about you. Being a teacher means feeling bad when you don't care about people - or feeling bad when you realize that you just yelled back at some kid who'd just been yelled at for being late to school because her father dropped her off late...and then got a DUI leaving the school parking lot. People like holding on to righteous anger. We like feeling like we are in the right for getting upset. And most of the time, being a teacher means either being filled with impotent righteous fury or realizing that your wrath is misplaced.
I figured all this out yesterday after having one of the worst days in the world.
Shaking with anger because some kid always had "something to say..." (as my grandmother would put it) I kicked him out of class and told him to get his act together. He eventually apologized, but not before hearing my voice crack as I expressed my...uh...great dissatisfaction with his performance. Of course, this was right after kicking out another student who was "helping me" by telling him to "shut the hell up". To quote the immortal Governor Palin, I had to say "Thanks, but no thanks..." to her help. By the end of class, it was all I could do to keep from bursting in to angry tears.
Realizing that my next class would be coming in, and that they had nothing to do with the fiasco the class period before, I slid my mask into place. And actually, it was a little scary...how easy it was to do that, I mean. Keeping my anger contained, to avoid hurting the feelings of some doe eyed child who happened to drop her pencil on the floor, I welcomed them into class, allowed them to drop off their things before heading to the cafeteria...and then I retreated to the teacher's lounge. I bought a soda, heated up my frozen lunch - numbly - and glanced up at myself in the mirror. My sweater was twisted to one side. My jeans were really as wrinkly as one of my students had commented ("Miss P," she'd said, "Imma need to know why yo' jeans is so wrinkly!" She was teasing me good naturedly, and I wasn't really in the mood for it. Again, wasn't her fault, but... "Why is your face so wrinkly?" I replied, without thinking. I can already hear the parent phone call....) The mask slid off. Big salt tears rolled down my cheeks. And looking at myself, looking so vulnerable, looking so weak for letting those kids get to me...I cried.
Being a teacher means wearing a mask...much like being a model or dating a man...
Maybe I am cut out for this job.
And now, to ponder the more important things in life....like, "just because a man looks like a rapist, does that mean he's not eligible for dating?" I mean, I wouldn't want to judge a DVD by it's Amray.
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Don't let your sister use your computer
Just a note for anyone that saw it, somehow Zuri managed to post on my blog. I guess when it said my name at the top, didn't set off any alarms. Anyway, if you thought you saw a post raving about how I'd bought an apartment...not me.
So, if I'm not buying apartments, what am I doing? Well, let me tell you, since you're so interested. I'm really starting to get the hang of this whole "teaching" thing. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'd want to do it like permenantly or anything, but teaching for my year of service was definitely the right choice. When I say choice, I mean I didn't really have any qualifications and my dad kind of pulled some strings so I wouldn't end up getting military service or anything. I mean, if you aren't really in good standing for a particular service proffesion, the odds are pretty good that you get sent to military or medical. I'm not mopping up blood from the ER for a year, thanks anyway.
As I was saying though, teaching chorus has turned out to be a real...I guess my daddy would say, "character building" experience...thing. Before all this started, I couldn't stand children. Even when I was one I didn't really like the idea of being one. When other girls were playing with ponies and drawing rainbows, I was practicing my Naomi Campbell walk and planning after parties. But I really feel like I have a chance to give back to these girls. I mean, some of them can't sing for anything, but they sure try. I want them to get the best experience out of a semester with me as they can.
Speaking of which, there is a date! August 22nd is the first concert for my girls! All new uniforms with make their amazing debut and you can come and be so jealous. lols.
Anyway, I got to get off of this thing and get my beauty sleep. What's that you say? Oh, you're just too kind!
Kisses, Paula
So, if I'm not buying apartments, what am I doing? Well, let me tell you, since you're so interested. I'm really starting to get the hang of this whole "teaching" thing. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'd want to do it like permenantly or anything, but teaching for my year of service was definitely the right choice. When I say choice, I mean I didn't really have any qualifications and my dad kind of pulled some strings so I wouldn't end up getting military service or anything. I mean, if you aren't really in good standing for a particular service proffesion, the odds are pretty good that you get sent to military or medical. I'm not mopping up blood from the ER for a year, thanks anyway.
As I was saying though, teaching chorus has turned out to be a real...I guess my daddy would say, "character building" experience...thing. Before all this started, I couldn't stand children. Even when I was one I didn't really like the idea of being one. When other girls were playing with ponies and drawing rainbows, I was practicing my Naomi Campbell walk and planning after parties. But I really feel like I have a chance to give back to these girls. I mean, some of them can't sing for anything, but they sure try. I want them to get the best experience out of a semester with me as they can.
Speaking of which, there is a date! August 22nd is the first concert for my girls! All new uniforms with make their amazing debut and you can come and be so jealous. lols.
Anyway, I got to get off of this thing and get my beauty sleep. What's that you say? Oh, you're just too kind!
Kisses, Paula
No really, am I still doing this?
So I have to confess, this is like the twelfth blog I've started, but I think this is the first one where I've made it to two posts. Go me! I got on to read Zuri's and now I'm forced to say, "I can't let Zuri out blog me! I'm way more interesting than she is!" Although, honestly, I saw the girl with her legs kicking out of the trash can, LOL! That was good stuff.
But like...that was me in high school, so a little uncomfortable laughing. Not that I got beat up or ended up in trashcans, far from it. I was the daughter of a General and the countries foremost fashion designer. I never went to school in an outfit that cost less than $400 off the rack. I hung with the most popular girls and I could and did have any boy I want. Zuri was the one getting picked on and usually by me.
What do you want me to say, I feel bad about it? Yeah, I do. I feel bad that for most of our school years I took part in torturing my sister because she was the little mixed girl and I was part of a clique. My bad y'all, gosh.
Anyway, back to what I want to talk about and not my more talk about my very very few faults. Since the modeling is getting in the way of working out at dad's dojo, I've started a regular jogging routine. It's all the physical benefits of working out, plus I get to show all of Durham how hot I am! Bonus! I'm trying to get Zuri to run with me, even though she is keeping up with the dojo workouts. I tried just asking and I don't think that's doing the trick, so I'm moving to guilt at dinner tonight. Wish me luck!
Oh, I almost forgot to talk about my girls! So, as many of you know, for my service year I am teaching at my old high school. My old chorus teacher took me on as her mentee and she even gave me a whole class that's just mine. So my class will be having a super special show, choreographed by yours truly with songs they pick out and...here's the greatest part...my mom is going to help with the costuming. Goodbye sequins and tophats, hello designer fabrics. BEST CHORUS SHOW EVER! Dates to follow, so quit asking already.
Well, I think that's a rap for me. Not that there isn't more to be said about the glorious life of Paula Greene, but I'm you look tired and I could talk all night. You're a dear for listening this long!
Kisses, Paula
But like...that was me in high school, so a little uncomfortable laughing. Not that I got beat up or ended up in trashcans, far from it. I was the daughter of a General and the countries foremost fashion designer. I never went to school in an outfit that cost less than $400 off the rack. I hung with the most popular girls and I could and did have any boy I want. Zuri was the one getting picked on and usually by me.
What do you want me to say, I feel bad about it? Yeah, I do. I feel bad that for most of our school years I took part in torturing my sister because she was the little mixed girl and I was part of a clique. My bad y'all, gosh.
Anyway, back to what I want to talk about and not my more talk about my very very few faults. Since the modeling is getting in the way of working out at dad's dojo, I've started a regular jogging routine. It's all the physical benefits of working out, plus I get to show all of Durham how hot I am! Bonus! I'm trying to get Zuri to run with me, even though she is keeping up with the dojo workouts. I tried just asking and I don't think that's doing the trick, so I'm moving to guilt at dinner tonight. Wish me luck!
Oh, I almost forgot to talk about my girls! So, as many of you know, for my service year I am teaching at my old high school. My old chorus teacher took me on as her mentee and she even gave me a whole class that's just mine. So my class will be having a super special show, choreographed by yours truly with songs they pick out and...here's the greatest part...my mom is going to help with the costuming. Goodbye sequins and tophats, hello designer fabrics. BEST CHORUS SHOW EVER! Dates to follow, so quit asking already.
Well, I think that's a rap for me. Not that there isn't more to be said about the glorious life of Paula Greene, but I'm you look tired and I could talk all night. You're a dear for listening this long!
Kisses, Paula
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